AITA for not telling my brother I got engaged over a year ago?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Charming-Corner-6235 on 2023-11-18 23:03:25+00:00.

So, this is obviously a thorwaway, also I am dyslexic, so tell me if I need to fix anything please.

I(29F) have an older brother (32M), we were raised by a single mother, and don't have any extended family, so we grew up pretty close.

I moved across the country 11 years ago to attend college, then stayed in the new state because it has better job opportunities for my field. My brother, on the other hand, remained close to my mother.

8 years ago he introduced his girlfriend to us over Christmas, and also told us that he got engaged. She asked me to be a bridesmaid and I accepted, but when she told me that their wedding date will be close to my finals, I warned her that I might not be able to do everything she needs me to do. She was very sweet, and said that that's ok, she just wanted me to be involved.

3 months before the wedding, my brother called me, he said that my "lack of involvement and enthusiasm for being a bridesmaid" was stressing his fiancée, and that they decided that I should just be a normal guest. I said that that was fine, apologized to him, then called her to apologize too.

Fast foreward to when they finalized the seating chart, and apparently I was seated in a back table, with some of my brother's coworkers, not even close to the family table. I was upset when mom told me, but didn't want to make a scene. My mom on the other hand demamnded they change my seat, which resulted in me being uninvited. I renember my brother telling me that his wife deserved the wedding of her dream, and that I was "stressing her". I asked my mom to back off, didn't go, but still sent a congratulations text and a gift.

But I also stopped reaching out to my brother, and it became obvious that I was the only one keeping us in contact. We rarely met after that, mainly because they spend holidays with his in-laws, and then COVID hit.

I met a man during COVID, we hit it off, it became serious, and he proposed last year. I asked my mom to only tell my brother if he asked about me, and she respected my wishes. Also I don't have social media at all, so there was no announcement or anything like that.

We just sent out invites, and my brother got his, and for the first time in years, he called me upset, because I didn't tell him that I had a serious partner, let alone a fiancé.

I let him rant and rave, then just told him that it was not a secret, and if he bothered to ask me or my mom about my life, we would have told him. He said that I should have reached out to tell him, but I said that I did not want to stress him or his wife with my presence.

He called me an AH, and said they would not attend, to which I said "it's your choice", which made him even angrier, so AITA?