Some personal gender thoughts
All in all, I'm comfortable with the word "man". I'm comfortable with the masculine aspects of my body as well. I mean, instead of being fat I'd like to look like this guy
(Daisuke Sekimoto)
But thats not a gender thing. And i dont have much desire to fuck with my gender expression. Im fine in "masculine clothes". Maybe like, eyeliner or something. But these days im mostly an autistic comfy pilled guy who wears loose fitting tshirts and comfy gym pants. 
And i have absolutely no interest in estrogen.
Im not, however, comfortable with the whole masculinity package. There are many things that discomfort me about that.
But the question is. Do i want to express "positive manhood", or am I a demiman? Expressing positive manhood around the kids at my old job always made me feel good. Showing unconditional love, showing them how they deserve to be treated as man, and the boys that men can be gentle and loving.
But i could do all that as a demiman too of course. If i did decide that was my id, id never tell anyone offline other than maybe my enby cousin. Noone else in my family is ready for nonbinary genders lol. And ive lost touch with my irl friendgroup. I told these feelings to one of my two irl transfemme friends. But she friend dumped me over a stupid misunderstanding. Locking me off from my only irl political radical friend, along with the people she introduced me to. And my other irl transfemme friend is kinda truscummy and probably wouldnt get it.
So in a way. I wouldnt "live as a demiman" in any real way, at least offline. Unless i made an effort to get out there and make some radical queer friends.
Oh, and full disclosure. There are two "eggy" things about me
- My desire to shapeshift. This is mostly a sex thing though. Id not want to "live life in a womans body", just bang femme attracted people.
- I feel a strong kinship with lesbians. I like lesbians memes (though apparently a lot of cis femme attracted people do). I like lesbians and wlw in general. I often feel a desire for my attraction to women to feel gay. Felt a strong connection to "let straight guys be gay for women" discourse coming out of the Jocat stuff. My cis lesbian friend assures me this is just a desire to detoxify my attraction to women and "not be a creep" though. And im pretty sure thats true.